What men fear most is being laughed at by a woman. What women fear most is being killed by a man.
The above quote came to mind ( seemingly attributed to many different people) when a friend posted a meme saying…..
This past week I had to go to a wrecker facility to pick up the contents of my youngest daughter’s car ( yeah it was a rotten week.. but she is fine) and as I opened the door to walk I scoped out my surroundings, my exits and weighed my safety in this situation.
There was not a woman in sight and immediately my inner wisdom had me not passing the threshold so held the door open and had my conversation from there, all the while calculating how close I was to the street and which way I would take off if I ended up in danger.
How f’d up is that? and while some will say I was being overly cautious how many women know how to lace their car keys through their fingers, don’t park in the dark parts of a parking lot at night. They avoid walking by THAT guy in the breakroom or take another elevator if there is just one man in it when the doors open.
Ever done the fake a phone call, or actually call someone while in what feels to be a “sketchy situation” so at least someone will know where you were if you go missing?
How about the fact that maybe you now carry a gun even while knowing all the statistics.
Ever diverted your driving direction since you felt like someone was following you? Carried mace?
Bought extra protection, locks or alarms for the dorm or new apartment of a daughter but not a son?
I will say it again. What women fear most is being killed by a man.
But what about the “Good men”?
I will also go one further. Many of the “good men” in our world, our social circles and our lives and even families are NOT standing up and calling down the men who are predators, no matter the form it takes. They let the sexist comments go, they turn a blind eye to the “minor infractions” of a misogynistic culture such as seeing a friend touch, grab or simply invade the space of a woman without permission. Let alone just talking about women as something to be won, taken or dominated. They might be uncomfortable but they stay silent giving tacit permission to other men to continue their heinous behavior.
And Yet
And yet when you tell men that a women’s greatest fear is being killed by a man they seem at best shocked, but more often unfazed, disbelieving or worse delighted.
I contend that there is no woman ever who has not had to modify her behavior in some way due to not feeling safe due to a man or group of men.
When the fear we live with as women is the status-quo and we don’t examine it, tear it up and start the hard conversation nothing will ever change for ourselves, our daughters and their daughters down through history.
The fact is that to be a woman is inherently dangerous – one in five women are raped by a non-spousal male in their lifetime, one in three with suffer domestic violence. Fifty four percent of women experience job place sexual harassment and on and on and on and on.
We must stand up, gather and use our voices, our power, our dollars and our talents to make sure not only that our daughters are safe, but our female elders let alone our sisters and ourselves. (Please note that this also and ALWAYS includes our Trans sisters.. that should be a given here but thought I would go ahead and make it extra clear.. no TERF nonsense here at BAQS)
Quilting as a form of Protest and Social Commentary- The WHAT SHE FEARS PROJECT
As an artist my way of furthering conversation and action is through my quilt art and I want to make a quilt about this.. a quilt to drive home the numbers, the stories and further the conversation about how we call down and out the behavior of these men as well as collectively raise our boys into men that women don’t have to fear.
As women of today we must take back our power as well as embolden our girls to grow in their own power and not consider it their lot in life to always be looking over their shoulder or listening for foot steps in the dark.
The goal is ONE THOUSAND names (which is but a drop in the misogynistic bucket)
There will be two ways to be part of this project.
Send me a 6×8 piece of fabric with your name in the center of it if you have ever been put in the position of being scared by/hurt by a man or men. I ask that the fabric be a woven cotton ( not t-shirt material) of a light color (but no need to be white or solid, or even new – clean used sheet fabric is more than fine)
Use a sharpie or acid free black or blue pen to sign your name ( full or redacted) in the center of the block. Blocks will be trimmed down so please leave at least a 1 inch border around the whole outside of the edge of the block.
Feel free to take blank blocks to your guild meeting, or tell others about the project and then collect the blocks and send them in as a group. If you feel so moved add your story (signed or not) on a separate piece of paper (not on the block) as those will be collected and shared as well.
SEND BLOCKS TO – MADDIE KERTAY- WHAT SHE FEARS PROJECT – 5 CRESCENT DRIVE CHATTANOOGA TN 37411
TIME FRAME
I will start collecting name blocks and stories NOW and keep collecting through at least through Oct 31st 2023 – remember the goal is 1000 name blocks and I hope to have the quilt well completed for Women’s History Month in March of 2024.
Want a mini- poster / flyer to take to a quilting event and share with others? Click there —-> What she fear QR code Mini-poster/flyer
Want to Make your own Mini quilt as you explore this topic through thread and fabric? – Way 2 to Participate
Create an 8×8 fully quilted and bound mini quilt on the topic of the fear women have always lived with as a disrespected part of patriarchal society .
No color or style restrictions but please keep any surface embellishments to those that would not interfere with placing the mini-quilt in a padded flat rate envelope to send for showing if we get to that point.
On October 1st a digital gallery link will open where you will be able to upload your mini and artist’s statement to the What She Fears Gallery for permanent digital display on the BadAss Quilter Website. The Gallery will stay open for submissions Until November, with a possible extension if a strong number of images are still being uploaded.
If you choose to do this option please do option 1 as well to further this project’s reach.
To read more about women and violence here in the United States Check out the Violence and safety report
