I was a very distractible, possibly contrary child, if I was not doing something with my hands my mind was often oft flitting about for other things to do rather than listen to what I was supposed to be learning every Sunday that my parents dutifully took me to Sunday School and Mass.
Somehow while busy counting the pieces of stained glass in the depiction of Mary and the Christ child I missed the oppressive lessons on shame (sex) that those around me drank in like a sponge.
While others were pondering their virtue, sliding on purity rings and pledging their virginity to their father’s care (
So while other teens were worrying about going to hell or worse- getting pregnant from kissing a boy I was pondering my personal ethics of having both a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time.
I would have to say that over-all that the not paying attention thing was a real win for me. I just did not take in the message of shame that so many have carried like heavy baggage into their adulthood. The deep guilt about sex, pleasure, body image and the like. Now I am not saying that those jiggly bits that have shown up on my inner thighs in the past few years are my favorite I am just saying that I am cool seeing myself as a comfortably confident person not having those voices in my head or visions of how Jesus is ashamed of me for owning an impressive vibrator collection.
For all the reasons and more I was really excited when Nadia Bolz-Weber announced that she was going to do a book on sexuality and its intersection with Christianity. Since while I am a piss-poor Christian at best by most people’s standards I see how so many women and men around me are frozen, freaked-out and still suffering from many years of the church teaching them that sexuality and pleasure were a sin until you were married and then you needed to like it, but don’t like it too much, since remember, Jesus is still “watching” for any signs of kink, or anything past the white-bread, married, missionary sex approved of by the church. And goodness
For those who don’t know Nadia Bolz-Weber there is much to read about her on the web from both those who have found their way back to faith through her welcome words to those who are so terrified of her message of inclusion and love that the actually implore God to kill her ( ah, so Christian eh?)
Nadia while once the pastor of her own planted flock is now a public theologian which might possibly be the coolest job ever (Makes note : research possibility of being public BadAss ASAP!) and this is her third book so I was really excited to have been selected to be on her book launch team and have a nifty non-purity ring and signed bookplate for my efforts – all that to say I am not making any money from this review so don’t need to blow smoke up your skirt since I don’t get anything from it anyway.
I wanted to LOVE this book, I wanted it to give me profound thoughts and insight and well, I just wanted it to be amazing. And for some people, it will be. It will help you understand that your sexuality is amazing and holy but not the dominion of the church. How you experience it, use it, share it and revel in it is your business and you deserve to feel whole and loved and at peace with your body and that honestly, Jesus does not care that you practically wore the skin off your right-hand masturbating as a teen or that you went “all the way” the summer of your 11th grade year with that cute guy from the ice cream place. You are not nor ever will be damaged goods based on what sort of sex your desire as long as enthusiastic consent is or was involved.
This book helps those who had their sexuality fractured by the church and its message about sexuality and start on a path of putting themselves back together again. My problem is that I am the woman who was that kid who did not pay attention when they were trying to shame me. It for whatever reason did not stick and for that I am grateful but it also means that this book did not bring *more* to my life but that is ok since I think for many it really will.
Want to be the next person to read my copy of Shameless – A Sexual Reformation by Nadia
