That Time My Vagina Tried to Fall Out- Or why misogyny is not just for men.
( Digital block signing at the bottom of the page)
Seven years ago I had an almost* complete hysterectomy after having to fight tooth and nail to PROVE I was indeed having a problem.
You see while I adore my children having 6 babies is VERY hard on the even the best of bodies and having multiple babies over 10 pounds is even less friendly. “Duh” to quote Homer Simpson
The thing is I could not convince multiple different doctors that I was having a problem. I saw 4 in total, same “dance” each time, get undressed, hide your bra and panties under your clothes as if they are not going to be taking the $5 tour of my lady garden and should be offended by basic undergarments.. <insert eye roll> Feet in stirups, scootch, down, no, more… no, a bit more.. ah yes like you are rocking climbing naked and in reverse.. PERFECT!
Look, look, look, poke, poke, poke,… ” I don’t see anything wrong here”… If your husband is “complaining” you could try some kegels and you could stand to lose some weight. Friendly pat on the thigh and leaves the room so I can have some “privacy” to get dressed… never to be seen from again.
Just typing all this out I am RAGE FILLED.. like there is fire SPITTING OUT OF MY EYES right now.
To be clear two of these doctors were men and two were women. When it comes to medical issues female doctors are not all that much better than male doctors sad to say. They have spent years swimming through a cesspool of misogyny and lot of it has rubbed off on them. YES, there are the good ones but finding them is pure luck or persistence that rivals that of finding the holy grail. There are WAY more horrible stories out there than good ones.
I had one male doctor go out of his way to quiz me on how I was having sex with my husband in a way that was way more about his own excitement than medicine and a female doctor who flat out refused to talk about sex in relation to my issue saying that was not what she was there for, and acting offended and used shaming language.
Honestly Dr. Google made it clear what was wrong with me and I was thinking that a butter knife and a slug of gin might have been my alternative when and I was finally able to get the help I needed when I insisted on being examined while not laying back, but instead was standing up and at which point massive amounts of blood splashed to the floor and my vagina tried to follow along with it. This made the doctor VERY VERY VERY uncomfortable since I was no longer in a submissive pose but to her credit she checked and replied.. “OH, I see what you mean”…. yes that is a real problem. – DUH
I was then referred to a surgeon, and that was a story of it’s own, since while very skilled with the scalpel ( and one of the few options on my insurance) he was a sexist pig and assured me that after my surgery my husband would be quite pleased. Topped off my the fact that he decided to LEAVE one of my ovaries ( the almost part*) so I would still have some sex drive, he thought it was a nice thing to do for the husbands!!!! (rage rage rage)
All this to say, if you have had shit medical experiences, and don’t feel that as a woman you are listened to you are not alone. As women we get less comprehensive medical care than men, we are more likely to be sexually abused during the process and more likely to die in critical cases because they do not believe us about pain or symptoms.
THIS HAS TO STOP
And while I don’t have the answers I am not backing down from the conversation and I am making an art quilt, a political statement piece that speaks to how as women we are hurt, we are scared, we are not believed just because we are women. We FEAR, men will hurt us and are often at their mercy of not listening to us. Given that we are at the very least 50% of the population this seems INSANE.
If you would like to add you name to my art quilt the details about the project are here at the What She Fears Project .
If time is sort for you and you would like a volunteer to sign a block for you please click below to submit your name – making sure to check your email to approve the signing. By doing a digital signature you will also be added to mailing list to keep up with the project.
