Today I hand over the pulpit to my good friend Megan Dougherty. As BadAss Quilters we are a force for positive change and if there is ever something BAQS has championed it is standing up for those who need us and our steady support. As mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles and friends we are a community that not only stitches together, we share our wider lives with all that entails. So read today with an open mind and heart and help BAQS be a force for change in an industry that needs to be an open and welcoming place for everyone.
On October 21, The New York Times reported that the Trump administration is looking at narrowing the definition of gender in Title IX applications to only male or female, as determined by the genitals one was born with. Gender had been acknowledged by the Obama administration to be self-determined, and the policy was that any discrimination based on gender included transgender and non-binary individuals. What the Trump administration hopes to do is to remove existing federal protections for trans people, not because these protections are costly or take away anything from cis-gendered people, but because it projects an image of morality that far-right voters seem to like.
But, let me tell you, there is nothing moral about it.
Many of you may know me—I wrote quilting humor for ten years as The Bitchy Stitcher, and some of that humor was published right here on BAQS. And those of you who know me may also know that one of the reasons I stopped my blog was that earlier this year, my oldest child revealed to us that he is transgender. I didn’t stop writing humor because this news upset me or because I was mourning the loss of my daughter. I stopped because I saw that there was a battle ahead of us, a battle to usher my child through a world that is becoming both more accepting and more brutally intolerant at the same time, through all the normal challenges of teenagerdom compounded with the challenges of transitioning. Each day, I must fight to let him know he is loved, he is valuable, he deserves to exist in this world just as he needs to—and each day I must fight to help create a world in which his worth is no longer questioned by society or by government.
Currently, the number of adults in the U.S. who identify as transgender is estimated to be about .6% of the total population. However, this number may be low due to underreporting, and it doesn’t take young people into account, and it is generally understood that this number will rise as more accurate surveys are conducted. But it is safe to say that the transgender population is a fraction of the fraction that identifies as LGBTQ. Not a high enough number to threaten the very fabric of our society, but in fact a number low enough to harm without too many people causing a fuss.
When our child first told us that he is trans, we immediately began reading as much as we could. And as we read, we kept coming across these points:
- 41% of transgender and other gender non-conforming adults have attempted suicide; attempts were highest among those who are younger (18 to 24 was 45%). (Williams Institute and the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, 2014)
- These youth are also at great risk for other self-harming behaviors such as cutting and eating disorders.
- Parents make a tremendous difference. Consider this: 35% of teens who felt they had strongly supportive parents considered suicide in the past year, only 4% did make an attempt; in contrast, 60% of teens who felt they did not have strongly supportive parents considered suicide in the past year and nearly all of them attempted suicide. Teens who perceived that their parents strongly support them in regards to their gender were 93% less likely to attempt suicide than teens who did not perceive that they had strong parent support. (Transpulse Study, 2012)
- Teens with strongly supportive parents were also significantly less likely to suffer from depression. (Transpulse Study, 2012)
- Teens who perceived that their parents strongly support them in regards to their gender are significantly more likely to be satisfied with their lives, have positive mental health, and have high self-esteem. (Transpulse Study, 2012)
(Thanks to genderspectrum.org for these statistics.)
Take a moment to sit with those numbers. This is how utterly powerful support is. But when government takes anti-trans stances, it trickles down into society, and transgender individuals experience increased harassment, discrimination, and suicide rates. As a mother, I have the power to let my child know his family loves him unconditionally. But if I send him out into a world that then refuses to protect him from harm, under a government that tells him he isn’t worth protecting, what then?
Transgender people are an easy target. When you are comfortable with the gender you were assigned at birth based on your genitalia, the struggles of trans people can seem strange, even freakish. But all they want to do is live—live openly and authentically and as free as any of us to love and work and thrive. The protections afforded them by the government aren’t “special” or “extra”—they simply acknowledge that trans people have a right to exist without fear, as every person on this earth should.
As quilters and sewists and members of the BAQS community, we know a thing or two about acceptance, tolerance, and the power of embracing diversity. With BAQS, Maddie has championed the idea that there is no one way to be a quilter, no one way to be a human, and that the differences in who we are as people can and ought to be reflected in and celebrated through our fiber craft. But there has now come a day when we must put that philosophy into action. This administration has shown that they are willing to target groups that are small in number but easy to villainize (such as asylum-seekers and their children and the transgender population) and they are pandering to a segment of the population that sees safety and morality in exclusion. We must show them that tolerance and acceptance is a greater force, and to do that we must start getting loud.
You are going to hear a lot of encouragement to vote in November, and you absolutely should. Republicans have shown that they are no longer the party of patriots and family values and we desperately need Democrats to gain power. Please do whatever you have to do to vote this year, and even if you are a lifelong Republican who has never voted blue in your life and may just die on the spot if you start now—just stop and consider that two more years of unchecked power could put so many harmful things in place, our country may never recover. Voting Democrat this year won’t turn you into a hippy-dippy liberal Commie, I promise (not that there’s anything wrong with that). But it just might slow down these awful attacks on vulnerable populations.
But beyond that, I am asking you for something else, quilter to quilter, badass to badass. I am asking you to show your support for diversity, acceptance, and tolerance openly. I am asking you not to rely on your vote alone to effect change, but to also let it be known to the people around you that you want a society that values everyone. Any philosophy that says some people shouldn’t exist usually doesn’t stop with just one group, and so attacks on the rights of transgender people are an attack on us all. We must make our opposition to this way of thinking such a huge cultural force that it cannot be ignored and we can start to do that through our culture. Our culture of quilting and sewing.
I challenge you today to make something, something that represents your desire to see equal rights given to ALL and taken away from none, and post it on social media before November 6. Show the world who we are, my fellow badasses, and if you are attacked, respond with love. Know that by showing your support openly, through the gift of your marvelous creativity, you may just influence someone else to do the same, and with these small steps we get closer and closer to a just and equal society.
I was never an activist, until I had to be. Don’t wait until the attacks come to someone you love. Be loud now.
P.S. I know the concepts of gender diversity may be unfamiliar to many of you, so I recommend starting with this helpful guide. From there, feel free to explore the site as it has a wealth of helpful information.
This guest post was written by Megan Dougherty. Megan was the humor columnist at Quilters Home and at Generation Q magazine and is the author of two collections of quilting humor: Quilting Isn’t Funny and Short, Sharp and Snippy. She lives in Maryland with her husband and kids and is hard at work on her first novel.
