J.M.T.F.Q.
So I bet if the title of the post did not get you over here the graphic did… right? I mean what the hell could I be talking about?
The BackStory
“Real feminists don’t quilt” or so I was told. This line was delivered in a disdainful tone that is usually reserved for wiping something off the bottom of one’s shoe or seeing Rush Limbaugh, take your pick. In any case it was a swift and direct attack meant to put me in my place and yet I am already in my place and that is the place this feminist wants to be.
You see the funny thing is for the longest time I shunned the label of feminist always associating it with a group of women I knew who were hateful to men.. turns out they were just bitches who mistakenly called themselves feminists. My bad for taking them at their word.
Over the years I have warmed more and more to the label and yet it was in last year that I was blessed with the ” Real Feminists don’t quilt” comment. It has sat in my head.. tucked away until I was really ready to talk about it.
The Meat of the Matter
But then Amanda Palmer did.
Well actually I don’t think Amanda quilts ( but I am sure if she did it would be kick ass!) but what she had to say to a person who chose to comment to her that “real feminists don’t gaze at males.” is spot on. ( Amanda had been seen looking with rapt interest at her husband Neil Gaiman while he spoke. )
This is the perfect retort to those who think that an independent enlightened woman or man can’t be a quilter.
What she said in whole you can find here on her facebook page or here on the Amanda Palmer tumblr but in essence she said:
A FEMINIST can do whatever they want (and if that includes quilting then have the fuck at it.)
She went on to say –
“this includes: wearing heels, wearing combat boots, wearing nothing, sporting lipstick, shaving, not shaving, waxing, not waxing, being political, being apolitical, having a job, being homeless, gazing at men, gazing at women, gazing at porn of all sorts, glamming up like a drag queen, going in man-drag, being in a five-way polyamorous relationship, being childless, being a stay-at-home parent, being single, having a wife, having a husband, ( having a wife AND a husband- ok, I added that part) and gazing/cooing adoringly at those wives or husbands anywhere they fucking choose, including elevators, restaurants, puppet shows (well, maybe keep it g-rated if there are small children present),….or on theatrical stages at fringe festivals. are we getting the picture here?? the most powerful feminist can do WHATEVER SHE ( HE) WANTS. the minute you believe you’re a “bad feminist” because you said the wrong thing/wore the wrong thing/got married/chose to have children…or otherwise broke some unspecified ”code of feminism”: DON’T BUY IT. THERE ISN’T ONE. you can do ANYTHING YOU WANT. ANYTHING. THAT’S THE POINT.”
The Punchline
Amanda’s point works so well for all the parts of quilting.. and leads me to the second gut punch/ wakeup call of my day.. a post by Lauren Stardust ( scroll and look for her in a cute floral dress and keds..read there) in which she relates the story of eating out and having two women she did not know heckle her choice of clothing while was seated at lunch. She called them on it and advocated for herself quilte well. She pointed out that the need to rip apart the look of others is little more than Internalized Misogyny and that is when it hit me that it is SO much like how members of the quilt world often treat one another across screens or even while standing in front of a quilt at show. Why do we do that?? Why do we take up the defensive and have the need to be catty about the efforts of another? Are we intimidated? Are we jealous? If one style of quilt wins opposed to another why do some feel the need to rip it down instead of lift it up and celebrate it’s accomplishment.
The fact is I don’t know the answers and only know that my mission continues to be to further conversations about what it means to be a quilter and if that means some rabble rousing then so be it.
I am very pleased to see some amazing “pay it forward posts” kickstarted by Kimmy Brunner ( a totally fantastic quilter) using the hashtag #NoMeanGirls all over Facebook in an effort to turn things around by highlighting all the good that is out there!
The Parting Shot
So here is the deal, if you want to quilt, quilt the holy hell out of it. Be the sort of quilter you want to be and don’t give a care what others think. Do what brings you intense joy and make no excuses for your style, your intent or its outcome. Be a guy, be a girl, or be something amazing and new ( might I suggest a quilting unicorn?), it matters not; the Feminist Quilting Agenda is wickedly simple. Just making the fucking quilt.
